[ there's a slight laugh, at her request, and he presses his lips into her hair again -- kissing her temple before drawing in a breath. ]
You're offering me a blank check.
[ tell me what you're thinking. how can he ever narrow it down. how can he pick one singular thing. there's so much rushing through his head, and most of it is awful, but it's always ending with something good. that seems to be how life is going lately. good. it's been good, and how long has it been since he's felt good?
but finally, he straightens, and hurriedly rubs his eyes -- half tired, half because he's certain there are tears, and he's annoyed by that -- a quick murmured apology before he clears his throat, keeping his eyes on philip. who has open eyes, now, watching his parents sleepily. awake, now, that alexander has woken him. ]
... I was thinking that I have a older brother. And we aren't close, I don't... even know where he is. Probably still home, he didn't get out, he was satisfied with staying there. [ it's said quietly to himself -- the idea of being satisfied of living in nevis is so completely foreign to him ] I was thinking that I never really thought about having a sibling being a good thing, and I was wondering whether or not my parents felt happy when they knew they were going to have me. Or if they just viewed me as another problem. [ he pauses ] I think my mother was happy. I don't think my father ever expected either of us to amount of anything.
[ which is probably why he left. but eliza had asked what he was thinking, and he's not really quite done, so he pauses there to let that sink in for a moment before continuing. ]
And then I started thinking about how close I came to not being here, and how I didn't... I cared if I lived or died, but I was willing to die for the cause, and I knew that if I did die, you would be taken care of. You would be alright, and you would find someone who could take care of you, and give you the life that you deserve. But I couldn't doom him to the same fate that I had. [ and alexander allows philip to grab at his hands, a grin escaping. ] He didn't deserve to grow up without a father, and you didn't deserve to raise him alone, and then I was thinking about how lucky I am to be alive, and to be here, and how lucky I am to have the chance to have another child, with you...
[ is that it -- ah, no, and alexander huffs a soft laugh to himself, rubbing at his eyes again. ]
-- and then I was thinking that I really needed to stop bursting into tears every damn time I feel something because it's starting to become a problem, and then you asked me the question.
no subject
You're offering me a blank check.
[ tell me what you're thinking. how can he ever narrow it down. how can he pick one singular thing. there's so much rushing through his head, and most of it is awful, but it's always ending with something good. that seems to be how life is going lately. good. it's been good, and how long has it been since he's felt good?
but finally, he straightens, and hurriedly rubs his eyes -- half tired, half because he's certain there are tears, and he's annoyed by that -- a quick murmured apology before he clears his throat, keeping his eyes on philip. who has open eyes, now, watching his parents sleepily. awake, now, that alexander has woken him. ]
... I was thinking that I have a older brother. And we aren't close, I don't... even know where he is. Probably still home, he didn't get out, he was satisfied with staying there. [ it's said quietly to himself -- the idea of being satisfied of living in nevis is so completely foreign to him ] I was thinking that I never really thought about having a sibling being a good thing, and I was wondering whether or not my parents felt happy when they knew they were going to have me. Or if they just viewed me as another problem. [ he pauses ] I think my mother was happy. I don't think my father ever expected either of us to amount of anything.
[ which is probably why he left. but eliza had asked what he was thinking, and he's not really quite done, so he pauses there to let that sink in for a moment before continuing. ]
And then I started thinking about how close I came to not being here, and how I didn't... I cared if I lived or died, but I was willing to die for the cause, and I knew that if I did die, you would be taken care of. You would be alright, and you would find someone who could take care of you, and give you the life that you deserve. But I couldn't doom him to the same fate that I had. [ and alexander allows philip to grab at his hands, a grin escaping. ] He didn't deserve to grow up without a father, and you didn't deserve to raise him alone, and then I was thinking about how lucky I am to be alive, and to be here, and how lucky I am to have the chance to have another child, with you...
[ is that it -- ah, no, and alexander huffs a soft laugh to himself, rubbing at his eyes again. ]
-- and then I was thinking that I really needed to stop bursting into tears every damn time I feel something because it's starting to become a problem, and then you asked me the question.
[ so. there. that about sums it up. ]