memezillamods (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
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memezilla2016-04-09 12:31 am
memezillamods) wrote in memezilla2016-04-09 12:31 am
Entry tags:
TFLN
TEXTS FROM LAST NIGHT
You know the drill
TEXTS FROM LAST NIGHT
You know the drill
01. She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
02. When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
03. She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
02. When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
03. She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
01. If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together.
02. I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
03. I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
[where did he get a cellphone?]
1. I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
2. when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
3. I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
2. when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
3. I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
1. He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
2. You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
3. he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
4. I probably smell like baby powder and a possible sexual identity crisis.
5. TEXT HIM
2. You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
3. he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
4. I probably smell like baby powder and a possible sexual identity crisis.
5. TEXT HIM
Edited 2016-04-09 09:31 (UTC)
i'm not going to apologize for genius.
1. Just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. You're kind of the same thing.
2. I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
3. I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
4. (text her)
2. I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
3. I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
4. (text her)
Edited 2016-04-09 09:24 (UTC)
I'd be more insulted, but I look damn good in a collar.
(aged up remi basically was turned ten years later than normal)
scarlet_devil
- 2016-04-10 04:56 (UTC) - Expand01. fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
02. just saw all the pictures from the party. i'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
03. you fell asleep holding hands with me under the pool table
04. hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
02. just saw all the pictures from the party. i'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
03. you fell asleep holding hands with me under the pool table
04. hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
1. Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
2. He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
3. I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
2. He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
3. I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
1. MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
2. I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
3. Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
2. I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
3. Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last nightII.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.III.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobellzIV.
Text him!
{1} If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
{2} nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
{3} The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
{4} Text him!
{2} nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
{3} The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
{4} Text him!
1.
im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. please kill me, my life will never get better than this2.
ill teach you how to drive a stick by using my dick. ill even madke the whurrrr noise so u knew when to change gears.3.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"4.
Text him!
umm severe nsfw, what is the point of even putting this warning on, idk, also your pb is beautifulll
pillz
- 2016-04-09 18:24 (UTC) - Expandit's ok i know what to expect with you, and also THANK YOU i missed his face too much ; u ;
shaving
- 2016-04-09 22:17 (UTC) - Expand1.
Can i get a dui with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl.2.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair3.
The cop only confirmed i'm .22% irish. Then i threw up on him.4.
Text him!
1. Good news my life of crime finally paid off
2. Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
3. This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
4. [text her!]
2. Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
3. This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
4. [text her!]
1. You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
2. I've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... I think I'm in love.
3. I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
4. text Patchouli
2. I've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... I think I'm in love.
3. I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
4. text Patchouli
Of course I am. It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
It's the morning somewhere- isn't that what they say?
a) That's DAME THUNDERCUNT to you
b) PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
c) Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
b) PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
c) Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
C. So THAT'S what I got up to. Thanks, sis!
1. Very funny, but dinosaurs didn't have thumbs, so I have them beat there.
2. I just wanted one sandwich but the elderly woman behind the counter wouldn't let me leave and now I have three pies, half a dozen sandwiches and I am apparently having dinner with her family on Tuesday.
3. I need a replacement truck for the replacement truck.
4. Text him.
[Canon, Cross-Canon, Originals and Cross-Medium welcome]
2. I just wanted one sandwich but the elderly woman behind the counter wouldn't let me leave and now I have three pies, half a dozen sandwiches and I am apparently having dinner with her family on Tuesday.
3. I need a replacement truck for the replacement truck.
4. Text him.
[Canon, Cross-Canon, Originals and Cross-Medium welcome]
Meeting the family on the first date? She moves fast!
1. just fed a tofu at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
2. Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
3. Sorry I told them all you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
2. Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
3. Sorry I told them all you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
1. God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
2. Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout. Wanna try it?
3. stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
2. Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout. Wanna try it?
3. stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
1. I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
2. It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
3. I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
2. It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
3. I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
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